I won't venture too far into the past or future, but as a twenty something, I do think life is a lot about making choices, and has been and will be for quite some time. Whether it's the stream of learning : Arts, Science or Commerce or the field of higher education, branches and subjects/specializations; whether it's a pursuit of passions, positions and platforms, or making friends and memories; whether you're building relationships or making lifestyle changes; at every stage, almost every day, we're faced with many choices, potentially life-altering.
And as a generation of young adults, raised in middle class Indian societies we're at a unique fore-front where we're primarily struggling within our families and societies to have the right to make these choices, but simultaneously we are also terrified of making them, ourselves. I know many wouldn't like to acknowledge this fear, but somehow it persists, as it naturally should.
The plethora of options out there, the blasting exposure to stories of successes and failures in each field, freely available expert guidance by internet influencers and the human tendency to be over cautious and careful are certainly not helping in any way.
I'm sure you must have felt this delimma yourself too: what feels right versus what is right. The choices aren't just good or bad, or right or wrong; they're dynamically spread in front of you and sometimes, overlapping. In such a state, what should one do? Make a list of pros and cons or follow one's gut instinct? Sample the tried and tested formula or be unconventional and unique? Follow the norm or intentionally break away? Take an expert's guidance or family's suggestion? Well the list goes on endlessly. These options are not exhaustive and moreover, I don't think anyone can even compile such a list.
As long as the DNA inside humans is uniquely manufactured and their life experiences continue to differ unpredictably, there can be no said formula for success or a proven one-dimensional method of decision making. Therefore, I'm not going to address the various methods of making choices (that is for each one of us to figure out best for ourselves), but what I will discuss is the process of making it; and specifically two aspects that I realized, in my own experience, constantly hold people down. They are: Analysis Paralysis and Fear of Consequences.
Wikipedia defines it with an infuriating accuracy. "Analysis paralysis (or paralysis by analysis) describes an individual or group process when over-analyzing or overthinking a situation can cause forward motion or decision-making to become "paralyzed", meaning that no solution or course of action is decided upon."
In my personal context, I always liked to know all sides of the situation, gather all the information about the consequences and then make a "well informed choice". In part, it was motivated by fear, but mostly I held up my own because I thought it was prudent of me to pay attention to details. But in the larger context of life, I have seen the most well-informed choices backfire. I have witnessed passions dulling down and major events clashing with our perfect plans. We cannot un-see the possibility that even if we think, we know it all, it isn't until after we've made a choice, that something else, which we didn't know, pops up. Much of what happens after we've made a choice, isn't in our control.
For example, you may think you love movies and you can act, and so that has to be your passion and you pursue it. But it's alright if that doesn't work out. I learnt this from a Netflix movie, Maska (2020). There's also things like a world wide pandemic or an accident or a heath condition that can surprise us.
The thing that we need to tell ourselves, more often and especially in such situations is that, "Life goes on. No choice is final, nothing lasts. This time, too shall pass." The best and the worst thing about time, is that it shall pass. And so I say, why do we spend so much time on being so sure of our choices? Why don't we leave somethings to make sense only in retrospection? The truth is real world works in an environment of uncertainty, from business cycles to climate action, no one has it all figured out. Then why should we beat ourselves about it. I'm not advocating fool-hardiness or a wreckless approach to decision making, all I'm saying is beyond a point, failing isn't unavoidable, so don't try too hard to avoid it or spend too much time thinking about it.
To explain the second aspect of this process, I like to take inspiration from movies like The Pursuit of Happyness and Forrest Gump. The characters in these movies had or felt like they had nothing to lose. And so there was no fear that kept them from doing what they wanted to. Of-course, there were other things too that made these stories inspirational but my key take-away was that to materialize radical choices, you need to let go of the fear of undoing your progress thus far. This in my opinion, is the cause of "the fear of consequences", i.e., we believe we already have something, so we cannot afford to lose it.
A real-life example could be, if a student is half-way his professional degree and he's getting an opportunity to pursue a long-time passion, would he or would he not fore-sake that opportunity for a more conventional and safe option.
It's usual to think these questions are very cliche to the Indian context, but I find such conflicts universal. There are many ways of approaching this situation and I'm not saying my approach is unique or break-through but just to put it out there, "Who decides what we've gained or lost?" "What is that authority and what are their standards by which they get to categorize human experiences as hits or misses, gains or loss, success or failure?" Even if we do it to ourselves, unconsciously, whom are we helping?
By my personal logic, everything that constitutes our life is a mere experience. Some rewarding in the short term, some in the long term. Ultimately, it is on our own merit that we get to classify or deduce anything from our experiences. And this is important to understand because even if nothing good comes out of it eventually, the experience in itself becomes an asset, a closure for us. It becomes the "why" for us to not do something similar again.
And to those of you who agree to the concept that life is a multiple choice questions with multiple answers correct format, you would agree that knowing which option to cancel out is a blessing and a life-savior.
In the end that's all I have to say to you, to myself and to the sea of doubts in which we both wash our feet quite often, "Make choices despite not knowing the right answers or the whole theory; make choices without letting fear shake your balance or steal your excitement; and make choices before it is too late."
Comments